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Forgetful Bartender
A man in a bar had a couple of beers and the bartender told him he owed four dollars. |
Two Types of Yoga 1. Asanas with Props The ancient Yogis used logs of wood, stone and ropes to help them practice Asanas effectively. Yogacharya lyengar invented props which allow asanas to be held easily and for a longer duration without strain. Yogacharya Iyengar in Setubandha Sarvangasana. 2. Redneck Yoga Fortunately, the folks at the Lightning Bar have developed a much simplier Yoga position.
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| Cheers!
A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles per year. |
The Lecture
As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"My wife!" |
Three Little Ducks Three little ducks go into a Bar..............................
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Ah Paddy........... Paddy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Mick. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Paddy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids. He then began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Paddy woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt, and with his wife staring at him from across the room. She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you Paddy?"  Paddy replied, "And why would you be saying such a mean thing?" "Well," she said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes--but mostly, it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the downstairs mirror. |
The Worst Day of My Life A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor little guy starts crying. Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," says the truck driver. "I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no insurance. I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered my wallet was still in the cab. At home I found my wife in bed with the gardener. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life. And then you show up and drink the darn poison." |
Difficult Question Two good ole boys down in Calvert County were talking one afternoon over a cold beer. The first guy says to the Second, "If I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday and make love to your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?" The second guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it sure would make us even." |