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The Top 10 Things Men Know About Women... 10- 9- 8- 7- 6- 5- 4- 3-  2- 1- They have breasts |
Can't Wait Until the Next PTA Meeting A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???" |
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."
 The Ham Sandwich!
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes. |
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New Additions to Websters Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do. Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage. Burglarize: What a crook sees with. Control: A short, ugly inmate. Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. Eclipse: what an English barber does for a living. Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist. Heroes: what a guy in a boat does. Left Bank: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot. Misty: How golfers create divots. Paradox: Two physicians. Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Pharmacist: A helper on the farm. Polarize: What penguins see with. Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV. [sorry guys!] Relief: What trees do in the spring. Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife. Seamstress: 250 pounds in a size 6. Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does. Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official. Subdued: ...like a guy, like works on one of those attack submarines. |
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Think you're a Genius? The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be classified as a smart person. Scroll down for each answer. These questions are not hat difficult, but don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question! 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator? Wrong Answer. Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions. Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly,you still have one more chance to show your true abilities. 4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it? Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim cross. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are Attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. |
What is 2 and 1/2 inches long and satisfies a woman every time?   |
Size Does Matter! |
